My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
