So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
