just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
