Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
