Can Purell be used as lube?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
