don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
