i just had sex bonerless
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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