im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
