can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Oh god it's open bar.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
