Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
