the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
