I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
