I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
