Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Houston, we have a squirter
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
