I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
