god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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