Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
