She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
