Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
