i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She's the barista slut.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
