You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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