I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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