please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
