somebody snuck up and got me drunk
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
