Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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