I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
