who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
