remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
