So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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