dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
