Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
