she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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