Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
