eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
