Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
