i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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