you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
