Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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