At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
