I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Drunk is not a location!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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