whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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