You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
