please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
