I would go down on you faster than GM stock
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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