did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
