You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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