hotel room ftw
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
