He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
