youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
