I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
